Make Gun Violence Shocking Again

Years ago, I was unique, special even. Not anymore. Hundreds of people nationwide have done what I’ve done, something that once made me different and rare. I miss those days. I want to be unique again like I was nearly 30 years ago. 

After I was shot in 1995, I would tell my story and people were shocked. I never knew anyone who was shot during a robbery. Nor did anyone to whom I told my story. Gun violence stories weren’t in the news every day.

I recently told a younger co-worker about my experience of gun violence, and she responded like I’d had a car accident, like it was fairly common, and she was right. Yes, gun violence today angers us, but it’s not unusual, it’s not shocking anymore.

I want it to be shocking. My young friend probably knows other gun violence victims, maybe there was a shooting at a school or a mall near her home.

This is what it felt like, inside my knee.

Gun violence still jars me on many days. My knee will never be the same; that’s where the gunman aimed and shot. Considering that, I was quite lucky. Coulda been a lot worse. I’ve adapted to physical changes. I’ll admit I have not adapted as well to the mental and emotional changes in my life. That’s my problem, and I do get better.

I worry, however, about gun-violence survivors today. I was a young adult when I got shot. I can’t imagine how a 6-year-old or a teenager manages the physical, mental, and emotional challenges that follow. I was afraid, for years, to go out in the dark by myself. I still think twice about it. Many people would say that my heightened awareness is a good thing. Hear it from me: regular fear is not a good thing.

When somebody quips, “oh just shoot me,” or makes the hand signal with a gun to the head, I go right back to the moment a young man aimed a gun at my head. I don’t like my response, but I deal with it.

Worst, maybe, is what I see on TV or in movies – and I watch very little. The depiction is often of a victim who gets shot and then looks at the wound like he just broke a nail. Gun use on TV amazes me, infuriates me even. It’s unnatural in so many ways, and I can speak to the response on the wrong end of the gun.

I want no one to experience the pain I did when a criminal shot and blasted my knee apart. The internal explosion was followed by searing heat as the end of my femur was comminuted – a severe type of fracture. I worry most about young gun violence survivors today, including young Ralph Yarl in Kansas City who was shot because he rang the wrong doorbell.

Ralph Yarl will survive and thrive, I hope, to tell his story for many years. But he won’t be unique like I was for a few years; there are too many shooting victims today. He is special, however, as are survivors everywhere. Let’s keep gun violence shocking and do all we can to reduce it.